01:51 PM I watched the Grammy Awards last night. It was really a pity that John Mayer didn't win the Best New Artist award, but I guess Norah Jones really deserves all the awards she got. After all, with virtually no mainstream promotion, she rose to the top of the charts--and people genuinely seem to like her music.

It's refreshing to see lots of singer/songwriters being nominated for their awards, despite my mild dislike of Michelle Branch (who I am a look-alike of). I guess this year is really the backlash against manufactured pop divas like Britney Spears--no offense to her. Speaking of Britney and her ilk, perhaps Christina Aguilera picked a bad year to make her comeback; the current trend is toward people who play their own instruments and write their songs. Although I think she's trying to carve a niche for herself in urban pop like Jennifer Lopez or more recently Justin Timberlake (hence collaborations with rappers), the fact that she got snubbed at the Grammys... Well. Ü

My sister's going to turn 18 years old on March 9, and I drew her invitations. Last year I teased her with that Britney song "Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman". This year it's Mandy Moore's "Seventeen." I don't wanna do right/ I just want you tonight/ not just only in my dreams/ save my best behavior/ for a little later/ 'cause I'm only seventeen... Turning eighteen has got her a little sentimental about reaching the age at which culturally Filipina girls are said to be full-grown. Perhaps it's like she feels she's leaving her carefree youth. Fear not! Eighteen is just a number.

03:28 PM Yeah, I drew this layout's graphics. Let's just say it was a vicarious experience for me seeing a drawing of mine in a bikini. Ü

02:38 PM I've come to a startling conclusion! Ü It isn't in God's current plans for me to have any sort of romantic attraction to anyone. I mean, everytime I find someone to crush on, our schedules change so radically that I rarely see that person anymore. The next time I do, the feeling's gone.

It's to show me that all I have (for these crushes of mine) are just feelings. I think in a relationship, it might initially be the chemistry--and romance--that keeps people together, but after that, it takes commitment. After emotions, brain-work should take over if you want a relationship to work.

I guess what spurred all this analysis is that I found out one of my high school batchmates now has a boyfriend. Someone who saw her recently said that she is positively blooming. But over the past few weeks, I've assessed myself, and I know I'm not mature enough to handle that yet. (It's not even remotely on my relationship radar.) And I do have a tendency to get swept away by my emotions while my mind screams for brakes.

My other friends have already started asking, "Who's gonna get hooked up next?" It's a strange sort of pressure, one I don't want to give in to. I don't think it's right for me to start looking for someone just because I feel inadequate alone. And the funny thing is, I'm content with how things stand for me right now. Ü

09:44 AM Site redesign is going on hold until this coming Wednesday, since I just realized I won't have time to snap some pix before I need to get ready for a friend's debut.

I wrote this the other day in an email to a friend I hadn't heard from in a long time:

It's the 14th of February on my computer, and for the past few days I've been receiving all sorts of emails about love and being in love and being out of love. Well, tell you what; after 19 years, I still don't understand what all the fuss is about in getting hooked up just in time for Valentine's Day. All it causes is traffic snarls, big concerts from foreign balladeers, and people buying record numbers of roses, candy, and balloons. Ü (I'm joking, of course, just in case your sentiments go the opposite way, and you do believe that Valentine's Day is something special).

Despite all my "I just don't get it" shtick, I went out with some friends to watch Two Weeks' Notice at Glorietta 4 last night. Why, of all movies, did I pay 130 pesos to watch something I'd already seen on pirated VCD? I don't know. The same reason I watched Ring even though I am deeply affected by scary movies. Yup, there it is: I wanted to be with my friends. I did enjoy Two Weeks' Notice, but it wasn't the kilig-to-the-bones, laugh-out-loud experience Sandra Bullock's and Hugh Grant's other movies were. I have to say that though they are two of the best romantic comedy actors, the script just didn't do their particular comic genius justice. Hugh has always thrived on playing the bumbling lovestruck guy, and Sandra on playing the bumbling girl-next-door. They just didn't bumble enough. Ü

In all, though, it was a happy experience being with my friends, eating garlic peanuts (smell my breath!), later sitting al fresco at a Starbucks and celebrating singlehood. It was, after all, Valentine's Day.

12:05 AM Oops! I did it again!

I know I said I was going to begin posting regularly, but a whole lot of schoolwork suddenly showed up, and it is really hard to stay up the few remaining hours (after my night classes) just to update the ol' online journal. Ü Anyway, I was planning to set up a new layout, but I realized at the last moment that I didn't like what I'd done. Over the weekend I'll be doing a mini photo shoot for the layout because I really have run out of ideas.

In the meantime, just so this page won't look so empty and forlorn, I think I'll give you an account of what I've been doing for the past few days. Since this is the February group of entries, let's begin on February 1.

Saturday, February 1: My father celebrated his 53rd birthday, so he took my mother, sister, and me to National Sports Grill, where we each had a nice big half-serving (those big plates were just half the serving?) of the Ty Cobb salad, then Papa had porkchops and Marielle and Mama shared the mozzarella sluggers. They all got so full I had to eat their remaining salad portions. Alas, it isn't avocado season, so the salad didn't have the diced avocado bits I really like, but the enormous quantities of food made up for it. As if Papa weren't satisfied, he ordered a chocolate cake slice for dessert--and it was a very rich cake a la mode, I might add. Mama and I had to settle for the vicarious experience of watching him and Marielle eat it, since we're both trying to lose weight. Ü

Afterwards we trooped to Shangri-La Makati and just sat in the hotel's lounge, enjoying drinks and music. My parents thought it would be okay for Marielle and I to order alcoholic mix drinks, so Marielle got a margarita while I opted for the Bloody Mary. They were good, I guess, but give me a Sprite Light anytime: I'm a simple kind of gal.

Sunday, February 2: Papa's birthday celebration continued, actually. We love food, and we love it cheap too, so we waited until 2pm just so we could get 40% off our bill at TGI Friday's. And then Papa ordered yet another chocolate dish for dessert! I was able to resist, again, but when we got home I think I gorged myself on the lamb chops. And then I realized that if I wanted to look good for a friend's 18th birthday ball on February 15, I'd have to cut down on my portions. Yikes!

Monday, February 3: In class, we were assigned to write news articles about anything on children's issues. Now, reporting on children isn't as easy as reporting on adults. There's a UN convention the Philippines signed that seeks to protect children from any harm caused by their identification in a news article. That means no last names, no pictures that show their faces, no specific place names, and even their parents shouldn't be identified.

Earlier that day Marielle was agonizing over getting the UPCAT results; the official UPCAT website had announced they would be available by the first week of February, but the place where they were usually posted was still empty. So I thought, hey, why don't I just cover the students who want to see the results of the UPcAT?

Tuesday, February 4: I presented a paper to my classmates in preparation for the group paper we were supposed to write. The strange thing is, I'm the one going to write the group paper. My professor made some recommendations on rewriting my individual paper to make it stronger and more vivid and directed us to submit our rewrites to him by the end of the week. And then, he said that the group paper would be due the coming Tuesday! Isn't that just a little bit crazed on his part? What's more crazy, I agreed to the deadline.

Wednesday, February 5: My one day of the working week when I don't have to get up early and stay in school 'til late. I was supposed to go to the LTO (the Philippines' version of the US's DMV) to get my learner's permit changed into a permanent driver's license, but I was suddenly awakened by my uncle's text message: he couldn't bring me there that day. Do not pass Go. Do not collect license to drive.

Thank God for all the time I gained, though, from not leaving the house. It took me the whole day just doing my report for the next day's class.

Thursday, February 6: Reporting a topic for a class with a lot of big opinionated mouths wasn't as daunting as I thought it would be. Then again, I think it was because they were all somewhat befuddled about my report. Or was it because I looked so confident that they were afraid to challenge me? I think it was just my self-deprecating humor about the topic that won them over. In all cases, I think it was truly strange. Perhaps God shut those lions' mouths?

Friday, February 7: Late last month, Marielle had secured tickets for a concert to be held on this day. Who played? In the US, they're little-known, but over here in Manila, Stephen Speaks played to sold-out and enthusiastic crowds. Warner Music Philippines actually signed them up and pressed their album No More Doubt, which is nowadays selling like popcorn at a movieplex. After all, with romantic songs like "Passenger Seat" and "Out of My League" just in time for the Valentine season, who wouldn't want a soundtrack to set one's own romance to?

And then I came to my senses and realized I'm still unattached to any significant other, despite my good-looking male friends. And I was happy about it. Truly, when God writes your love story... he leaves you in suspense for the next chapter. Ü As a detective story buff, I have been tempted to skip to the last page without reading through the book, and I have to say the joy and pleasure of finding out whodunit is somewhat lessened by that bad habit. It's more exciting just to wait.

February 8 (Saturday), 9 (Sunday), and 10 (Monday): Not much happening, I guess, although I did ask Papa that Saturday to move an exercise machine to his private office where I stay during weekday mornings. You know, just so I can work out and tone, shape, and flex those thighs! Ü In the meantime, few of my groupmates had sent their contributions to our group paper, so I asked my prof for an extension on the deadline, which he gave readily, thank God.

I think you'll notice from these tidbits that for the past few days I've had a figurative spear poked at my broad behind to get cracking on a lot of things. Weight loss, papers, weight loss, papers... did I mention weight loss? The only thing I realized I could wait for was romantic love, despite hooking up being all the rage this February. What does that say about me? Just simply that a lot of other things are more important in God's plan for me at this point in my life than some guy with broad shoulders and a beautiful smile. He's out there, somewhere, and I'll meet him, someday. But first, I have stuff to do.