08:41 AM Two sets of my relatives are moving into relatively next-door-neighbor situations with me and my family. I'm kind of happy because I can spend more time with them, probably even during the school days.

Eep... speaking of school days, regular registration of classes begins next week, and I'm afraid for my computerized results. What if I didn't get the priority allotted to seniors, and thus didn't get any slots? I have this fear every beginning of a semester. The only time I didn't was when I was a first-semester freshman.

I can't wait! Tomorrow I am going to archive this baby and then change my layout! :D

09:49 AM I've already got a new layout ready for uploading, so most probably I'll do that on June 1, and archive the current entries even though they don't make 7 days. The new layout will probably last through the whole month of June, and maybe I might not be able to write in here daily anymore because school starts again in two weeks, and this year I really want to get good grades.

Also talking about layouts, if anyone noticed, I changed my guestbook layout. The guestbook's layout now won't change according to the layout on this main page; instead its layouts will be independently done. I hope people like it; it's Shirley Manson from the group Garbage.

Oh yeah! Skai linked me again! :D And I'm planning to join her website clique; I think all the other sites in it rock!

Anyway, this morning a little voice in my head started reciting lines from the movie The Phantom, and I remembered that it's been a long time since I watched my taped copy of it. There was a time I was such a Phantom fan--the Phantom 2040 cartoon series was running on SBN 21, the movie was showing on HBO, and the comic strip still gets publication in the Philippine Star every day. I think I'll dig up my tape sometime soon and watch Billy Zane kick butt!

Angelina Jolie really looks like Lara Croft.
09:28 AM Last night I was feeling sorry for myself because I was among so many thin people. Two days ago I tried to buy a pair of capri pants, and nothing fit because of my huge backside and growing waistline.

My mother keeps telling me it's because I spend so much time seated in front of the computer and not enough time doing anything else. What else can I do? It's still my summer vacation.

I've just decided to cut down on my snacks, and I'm not going to eat any rice for two weeks to see what that'll accomplish. In the meantime, can I please not go out on social events? My self-esteem is already low from having a thin sister. To see all the spidery people walking around in malls will just make me depressed.

Besides, I've got nothing to wear.

10:37 AM I woke up earlier than usual today (about 9 a.m.; I usually wake up at 10:30 a.m.), so I thought why not? I did my Tae-Bo workout already so I'm set for the day.

And I don't have my voice. I mean, my voice is all croaky and hoarse, probably from all the screaming I did yesterday at Enchanted Kingdom. I can't even bear to drink cold water because it hurts. Since I was the only one awake in the house, I didn't have anyone to talk to, and I didn't discover that my voice was shot until I tried to sing. :D But who cares, right? I had fun yesterday on the roller coaster (Space Shuttle).

On to another topic: Name Generators! I followed a link from Pau's blog and ended up with a whole bunch of new names, none of which I will ever use, it seems. :P I got these results by entering "Noelle De Guzman" into the required fields, plus some other things.

Star Wars
Jedi Name: De No Mapar of the planet Buscopan
(The name of the planet actually sounds plausible; nobody knows it's really just the name of a painkiller. My, my.)
Star Wars Name: Noede Toang, Namlancer of Decolgen
(Hey! I get to be a Namlancer! Whatever that is.)

Mob/Mafia
Mobster Name: Tessio "The Fish" Fontane
(Sumting's pishy heah, boss.)
Mafia Name: The Porpoise
(First a fish, then a porpoise. At least it's still aquatic...)
The Sopranos Name: The Butcher
(I also got "The Coin Operator" when I entered my full name)

Metal Gear Solid
Codename: Booby-Trap Parrot
("The first part of your code name describes your unique skill or personality, and the second part is your animal designation.")

11:55 PM I've just come back from Enchanted Kingdom with my cousins. It was great fun, but everytime we three girl cousins (my sister Marielle, my cousin Courtney, and myself) wanted to go on rides, one of two boy cousins wouldn't come with us, so we actually ended up only going on one ride (the Log Jam) as an entire group. The two guys were just too chicken to try out the Space Shuttle.

Unfortunately, we weren't able to try out the Rio Grande Rapids (the new ride) because of the interminable line. When we finally wanted to take a spin on it, we were told that the line was already closed, and that those people who were presently inside the queue area were the only ones who were going to be able to ride. It was very disappointing. All in all we were only able to ride on 5 of the attractions--Log Jam, Space Shuttle, Flying Fiesta, Roller Skater, and Anchors Away. We were much better off during our previous visit on Black Saturday last year, when we were able to get on almost all the rides except for the Space Shuttle (closed for maintenance).

Okay, I'm going to bed. But before that, I was able to listen to the entire soundtrack of the Josie and the Pussycats movie. It was pretty catchy, but the guitar accompaniment could get old after a while. I was especially amused with the album's aping of present-day boy bands with the two tracks from Du Jour, the other fictional band in the movie.

Good night! I couldn't upload this entry at the listed time, so you're only going to see it on May 28.

09:02 AM I had almost given up hope of getting into the 3MILN TNX 2 U (three million thanks to you) party at Glorietta Park yesterday and watching Freestyle. Through some quirk of will, although we were unaccountably late, my sister and I muscled our way through the crowd to get to the front lines--and I do mean lines of rope delineated where the crowd ended and the stage began.

One thing marred our view; those white silk thingies with air fanned through the center were blocking the stage, and occasionally hit me on the nose. And the people! There were some girls who, after inserting themselves in front of me, kept rubbing their big bottoms into the crowd behind them. >.<

At least I finally got to watch Freestyle. Oh! And an ABS-CBN cameraman filmed my sister and me! And a photographer took our picture! :P I am such a publicity hound.

09:46 AM Why is it that I keep having really weird dreams? I felt like I was inside an expose into the life of Michael Jordan in the last dream--and I don't even know his life history. I keep progressively waking up earlier even though I go to bed at midnight and don't fall asleep until 1 a.m. Is it just the Coca-Cola I've been drinking the past two days? Maybe. :D

Today there's a concert at Glorietta featuring Freestyle and Silk! Small world, though, because one of the singers of Silk, Jennifer Ilustre, is an alumna of the college organization I belong to (UP POLITICA). And her real name is Jennifer Agrazada. *blink* Though I doubt she'll recognize me; she was an inactive member and a senior when I joined the org, and I only saw her once last semester.

And guess what! David (Mr. M2M and Guitar) is taking my sister and me to Enchanted Kingdom on Sunday! Yippee! I get to try the new ride (Rio Grande) and then get on the Space Shuttle, which was under maintenance the last time I was there. *bounce*

11:26 PM I learned from my friends Julia A. and Tin R. that the tuition fee increase in UP was just signed this morning, but it's just an increase for the lab fees and the graduate study program. It won't take a chunk out of my wallet, but it'll bite out of the wallets of everyone taking laboratory and masters and doctorates.

10:10 AM I'm considering creating a guestbook with Megabook, since I've already downloaded it, but I'm also considering what sort of layout to apply. I've seen great guestbook layouts out there, and maybe it's just my vanity and pride showing, but I also want a great-looking guestbook, and my current one from Alxnet won't give me that flexibility.

Anyway, next week, I think I might have to go back to school already to enroll. Oh dear. I'm a senior but I'm not sure the CRS computer has updated my status yet, and I'm afraid if I update my year status to 4th, when it does update it might become 5th year! XO I can't have that. What am I going to do?

At least the tuition fee hasn't increased. Or have I spoken too soon?

01:30 PM I knew it. I just knew it. :D

Noelle, your inner rock star is Britney Spears. Feel it, sweetheart; the rock star in you is all Britney-the envy of cheerleaders everywhere. One part girl next door, one part naughty sex kitten, you're definitely not as innocent as you look. And that is why nobody can get enough of you. You are the ultimate American girl with some serious staying power. Unlike other success stories, you and Britney are more than just a pretty face: you've got talent, confidence, and the brains to back it up. With a talent list like yours it's no wonder you're at the top of the popularity charts and young men's hearts. We love you. Shout out your inner Britney!

Thank you, Clarissa, for linking that Who's Your Inner Rock Star test.

Hit me baby one more time!

12:08 PM You go, Pau!

11:23 AM I got this forwarded image from my little sister (yes, she still emails me even though we live in the same house). It's so cute because, well... it's cute!

And I've finally done something with my own custom-made Powerpuff from Power Puff Portrait Studio. It's complete with multimedia enhancements! Hehe, actually, just a background midi.

I get these guestbook entries lately from people who either say "oh, I'm sure you can find it in your heart that you still love anime" or "can you make these cosplay pictures larger? can you make more ring tones?" Did I not make it clear in my goodbye notice that my leaving was final?

It just really peeves me, because when a big anime web designer makes the decision to leave the fandom, she gets a lot of support and understanding, and no one questions her decision--in fact, people remain devoted fans of their future work. But when I--a small fry--make the decision to leave, I get hardly any support and mostly people can be paraphrased as saying, "I hope you'll come back to maintain your site". I suppose I should be flattered that I'm wanted, but really, is it me or is it my website you want? Well, my websites are there, still open to the public. Just let me leave in peace.

05:15 PM I almost forgot to blog here, and yesterday's entry was sort of hurried. But there's been nothing on my mind lately to cause me to lapse like that. My problem probably is boredom. I'm tired of sitting in front of the computer 8 hours out of every 24, and I can tell everyone else in this house is, too. It's always been an issue--my computer use, I mean. It's just that I seem to have lost the ability to write things on pen and paper for long. Which is why I've been avoiding writing down any short stories or long series or what-have-you because I'm just going to spend more time looking at pixels instead of people.

Anyway, I'm looking at pixels anyway--the kind on TV screens. Thanks to (pirated) VCDs, I've been able to keep up with any current movies in theaters and not have to leave the house or spend close to a hundred pesos (roughly 2 US dollars) just to sit through one screening of Josie and the Pussycats (which, incidentally, has not made it to the local theaters yet anyway). Contrary to what people say, I don't think it was a short movie or that it felt somehow short or less filling than most films (which is how The Flintstones was described). I felt that the character and story development moved along at a really great rate that captures the story, with no dull spaces in between. The music was excellent as well--it's just a pity Rachael Leigh Cook wasn't the real voice of Josie.

And now, lyrics from the soundtrack of Josie and the Pussycats:

it took 6 whole hours
and 5 long days
4 all your lies to come undone
and those 3 small words
came way 2 late
'coz you can't see that I'm the 1

08:46 AM Looks like everyone loves the blue. :D Thank you all!

it's not romantic here in blue
swimming, swimming in blue
you left me lonely and confused
question, questioning you
so soon goodbye you stole my heart
I'm beli-believing you
was it a lie right from the start
answer, answer me do
well now my body's weak, so just
give me a reason
and my makeup's off, so just
give me a reason
and my defense is down, so just
give me a reason
give me a reason
give me a reason...
what did I do wrong?
--"Give Me a Reason" by The Corrs

10:26 AM Before I write any more, thank you Pau for signing my guestbook!

My, this index page has gotten quite long in the four days it's been up. I want to keep this layout for a while because it's just so easy to maintain, not to mention easier to load. Anyway, I have some new stuff in the Stats section, so please check it out.

Last night I received an email from a friend of mine who went to the debut I wasn't invited to. It was upsetting because she was all bubbly, and she sent the email to the whole group of friends and acquaintances, which gave me a full idea of who was invited. It brought on a feeling of sadness and loss of self-worth.

I guess it won't do any good to confront the debutante--in fact that would be an extreme lack of taste. And I don't think it would do any good to talk to any of my friends about it; I mean, my friends were invited. I can't even talk to my sister or my parents about my feelings on this; when I did, they didn't even offer me support. They just said, "Let it go. You weren't that close to her [the debutante] in the first place." Why couldn't they have just said, "That's bad; that was insensitive of her, etc." Why couldn't they just back me up?

There's only one way to turn now. *looks heavenward*

05:35 PM Went malling in Glorietta on a Sunday afternoon to escape the heated confinement of the house. Bad idea, if payday came the week before.

I went to T.G.I. Friday's with my family and maternal grandparents. While the food was excellent and all, something terrible did happen to us while we were there. Since iced tea is served bottomless, we all drank our fill. Of course, tea being a natural diuretic, sometime later my mother, my sister, and I had to go to the bathroom. Horror of horrors, when we tried opening the door to the ladies' room, we found it locked! Worse, the restaurant staff didn't have the key to the restroom. While I contemplated barging into the men's room, other women also arrived and discovered the bathroom problem. Boy, were we all steamed--and maybe doing a little pee-pee dance by the time we'd found another bathroom, which of course also had a bunch of people waiting to get in.

After that, I received permission to go browse at the bookstore. I had a great time and was all set to buy a Michael Crichton when I ran straight into a wall of people lining up at the cash register. I ended up not buying the book at all. Oh, well. Maybe I should just start working on the story ideas floating in my head.

And like I promised, I shall plug the sites of those who signed in my guestbook! Wahaha! Thank you Mikko, Andrael, Redgie, and JM! Thank you so much for your comments. Andrael, regarding BOA, I saw a video of theirs and their frontwoman is Japanese. And the video was J-pop. Tee-hee, talk about crossing boundaries! Anyway, I fixed the entry so it reflects a little bit more of the truth about BOA. But I'm not really into J-pop and J-culture anymore. :D

By the way, my cousin David has created a website about one of his favorite guitarists. :D

08:09 AM I'm up early today. Well, this is early for me, since we're going to Sunday services today. I finished reading Pearl Harbor early this morning (about 12 a.m.) because I didn't want to be left hanging. While I admit I was wrapped up in it, I do have a nitpick with it; it tends to descend into a lot of history, textbook-like in its presentation. I'm not sure whether it's trying to be an educational novel as well, but it shouldn't have to go too much into the detailing of how the U.S.S. something-or-other sank. At first I kinda liked having the novel wrap itself around history, but as I read on, it ended with what I could consider a whimper. It waxed poetic and patriotic about how America changed in its view of war after Pearl Harbor, about how it gained confidence, about how it started to perceive problems around the world as its own problem. Well, excuse me, ever heard of Vietnam? Of course the author has, but that little "police action" turned disastrous is just a pencil tip break in a long historical line of achievements. Argh, I hate when writers start praising the wonders of their motherland, especially the US; they start sounding like propaganda machines. Oh, and another thing--there was absolutely no mention of the Philippines, even though the US installations here were supposedly very strategic. *raises eyebrows*

Here's to hoping the film is better. At least it might not have the overt flag-waving the book did in its last few pages. Or else maybe I should stick to watching the Discovery Channel special.

10:37 PM Due to the compulsive bookwormishness of my uncle, I secured and started reading Pearl Harbor by Randall Wallace this afternoon. FYI, this is the book that was turned into the screenplay for the film of the same name (starring Ben Affleck). Right now I'm smack in the middle of it, and I do mean I'm halfway through the book. I pride myself on being a fast reader, but I'm propelled faster toward the last few pages of a book by the pacing of the storyline and the way it holds my interest--and this is one hell of a good read.

Last Sunday I bought A Perfect Spy by John Le Carre. Although I read somewhere that Le Carre is a great writer of spy novels (after all, did he not write The Spy Who Came In From the Cold?) I find that his writing style is rather dry in this novel, and rather confusing because the narrative comes from several different characters and keeps switching from first to third person. I stopped reading after I had finished a third of the book, and I'm not planning to read it any time soon--well, at least not until I've finished Pearl Harbor.

I realize that perhaps Le Carre modified his style for A Perfect Spy, and that this isn't a representative sample of his work; but I really wish I'd bought that Star Wars novel instead. Hey, a novel about Han Solo and Chewbacca's exploits pre-Skywalker can't be all bad now, right?

Before I curl up with Pearl Harbor again, I'd like to say thank you to those who signed my guestbook after I changed my layout, especially Clarissa who extended a helping hand about Blogger. I'm sticking to writing my code by hand for now, but thanks anyway--I just might take up that offer some time. Thanks also to Selene for the compliment. As added impetus for everyone to sign my guestbook, I promise to visit your sites and plug them here, so keep any and all comments coming. :D

11:52 AM I just remembered something that happened last night at Bible study, and boy, was it unseemly of me. I was in a black mood at the beginning, and it didn't lift until I had prayed about it.

There was a whole lot of secret sourgraping from me about a debut I wasn't invited to, and in retrospect it was very small of me to do that. Thank God I got that out of the way before we started praying last night. I would have felt very hypocritical nursing a grudge secretly while talking with God. But even now, while writing about it, I feel really disturbed about this. Does it mean I didn't care much about other people then? Does it mean I wasn't a good friend to the debutante? Does it mean that I'm not a good friend now, and that I'm only invited to other parties because, hey, I'm part of the package?

11:30 AM I surfed around before I blogged for the day, and I found these two beautiful websites. I first followed a link from Macy's (I think; great layout, by the way), which led me to SERENITY, and a link from there led me to Popular Net, a really comprehensive website about the TV show of the same name. Both sites are really well-designed, not to mention SERENITY is a great weblog. While reading the updates on Popular Net, I came across a very disappointing bit of news. "...Popular hasn't been picked up for a third season..."

And due to a lack of subjects to blog about, here's a song lyric for today... It ran through my head as I surfed through Symphonical weblog. The song is named "Duvet", and it was sung by a J-pop group called BOA. It's a very mood-oriented song, suited to rainy days and dark places, which is what the weather now seems to be doing.

and you don't seem to understand
a shame you seemed an honest man
and all the fears you hold so dear
will turn to whisper in your ear
and you know what they say might hurt you
but you know that it means so much
and you don't even feel a thing
I am falling, I am fading, I have lost it all
I am falling, I am fading, I am drowning
help me to breathe
I am hurting, I have lost it all, I am losing
help me to breathe...

11:06 PM I just came from Bible study. Actually, tonight, instead of the normal fare of studying and being inspired by Biblical verse, we held a prayer vigil of sorts. Most notable among the prayer requests were the numerous prayers for peace in the Philippines, especially for its politics.

I never realized how politicized Filipinos are--especially young Filipinos--when compared to the people from the same age bracket in other countries. I guess it's in our culture; everyone has an opinion on politics. If you don't, you're considered not in tune with the times.

Thinking about it, how can one be politically apathetic in this country of mine, where every political action has a reaction elsewhere in the country, where the passage of one bill can immediately impact thousands of people? I suppose it pays to be involved.

However, there's a flip side to this. In the social soup of the Philippine Islands, there are too many chefs. Too many people want to become leaders. Just look at the proliferation of party-list groups--some of them just mirror images of each other. We see so many leadership seminars, and yet not enough seminars to teach people to follow. The youth of today are exhorted to be good citizens by being leaders, yet no one is praised for being a good citizen because they followed the laws of the land. As a result, we have so many people at the reins, pulling in different directions at the same time. The end result is that the Philippines as a whole is drawn and quartered (a medieval form of torture, used here as imagery). And everyone is claiming to act for the good of the masses.

10:49 PM *poof!* And magically, a new layout appears! :D "But didn't you say you were going to wait another seven days?" someone would say. Miriam Defensor-Santiago would reply, "I lied. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Not that I admire her or anything.

09:09 AM I'm now researching a recipe for my grandmother. Ah, the wonders of the internet.

I've been having pretty interesting dreams lately, but they all make for restless sleep. I should probably try to sleep earlier--12 midnight is my default bedtime this summer.

Anyway, my computer was about to crash on me yesterday. Thankfully my dad came to the rescue and kinda-sorta fixed it. I think it was that stupid Edsamail program's fault--it might have messed around with the settings. In any case, I've found out how attached I now am to Photoshop, and how much I've forgotten about Photopaint.

I had a small error in archiving yesterday, so I archived six days' worth of blogging instead of seven; to fix that, I moved yesterday's entry into the archives. Again, I've been thinking of using Blogger or Greymatter, but they just take too much time and require me to go online to blog. And how the heck do you use Blogger anyway? Can anyone send me a template or something?

By the way, I've created the graphic for my first non-frame layout for Adolescence Rush... but following what seems to be my archiving policy, I'm going to wait for the next seven to ten days before uploading a new layout. :P

Off I go to http://www.whollymollytips.com. Oh, and here's an interesting link: Power Puff Portrait Studio.

10:20 AM I watched the Corrs concert on HBO with my sister last night. The Corrs are so amazing as performers, and they bring to the stage that mischieviousness only siblings have between themselves. It was so cute.

Anyway, I was trying to do a no-frames version of this layout and discard the frames version. It didn't work and I had to delete the whole thing I did. *sniffle* I should find more profound pictures to work with, but all I'm getting are glamour shots of these famous people. I want a picture of a surfer, or a skateboarder. If you know where to find this, email me or better yet, click on that comment link below. :P

12:14 PM While I was downloading the new Edsamail software, I browsed PinoyExchange.com, an affiliate site. And promptly got addicted to posting in the forums. It's just like the mailing lists I used to subscribe to, but more diverse topics, and more lively people. Plus, I discovered that a friend of mine from #pinoy_otaku@irc.skyinet.net, Bostsip, had joined the PeXurvivor contest, and was one of the two who just got voted off! Small world the internet is. :P If you're on PinoyExchange and you see a "QueenAmidala"--that's me.

08:00 PM This is what I was afraid of:

"I was never a staunch supporter of Joseph Estrada. In fact, in the last national election, I voted for another candidate. however, recent events have reversed my sentiments toward him. The Arroyo administration's manner of serving the warrant of arrest was humiliating and degrading, as if they were arresting a very dangerous and hardened criminal. Estrada has already been convicted even before he is tried."
--Ilu Jay Nocom in a letter to Asiaweek, May 18, 2001

I, for one, thought the warrant was served properly. The huge backup forces provided by the army and the police were for crowd control; I mean, face it, Erap has a lot of supporters, and, to these people, seeing their movie idol being taken away in a police car is an atrocity that should be met with resistance. There were hundreds upon hundreds of people there and, in my opinion, without the police and army to hold back the crowd it would have been more chaotic than it was. The coaster wouldn't even have made it down the street, much less to Camp Crame. These were simply extra security precautions.

I'm beginning to hate Asiaweek for its seemingly one-sided coverage of this whole thing. Even the two letters they published in the Feedback section come from only one camp. I dare to disagree with Asiaweek's newsdesk here in the Philippines. I don't think this is a class struggle; this is a fight for values, something which some politicians have turned into a class conflict, mining the commonly-held-yet-illusory view that Erap worked for the masses--that Erap is one of them. Oh, really? Then why has the Sandiganbayan found enough evidence to try him for the heinous crime of economic plunder? Please don't tell me that the higher-ups in government have conspired against this one man, at the risk of antagonizing his supporters and possibly losing support for themselves. There is no conspiracy; the wheels of justice have just tracked this money trail to Erap's door, and unless there is new evidence that points away from him, it is only right that he be tried.

Besides, what did Erap do while he was President?

"...at least Estrada pandered to the poor, something most leaders do not even bother to do."
--Rafael Reyes in a letter to Asiaweek, May 18, 2001

Question: Doesn't it make a person feel bad to know that they were just used? Because that is exactly what Erap did: he used the masses' vote to get himself into power, and once he got to the highest elected office in the land, he attached himself to it like a leech--and do leeches ever give anything back to their host? No. They just suck and suck and suck the host's lifeblood until they're sated. And leeches for power and wealth are never sated.

06:05 PM It happened again. Poor little old me wasn't invited to a party--in this case, someone's debut. My ex-crush is the debutante's escort, my schoolmates are all invited--so why am I not? It's times like this that I remember why I will never organize parties for myself--I won't have another person feel bad because he/she wasn't invited.

11:51 AMI've done some updates on my portfolio, especially in Edited Pics. Please take a look and tell me what you think!

10:33 AM Everybody in the Philippines, today is Election Day! To those who will vote, please make sure you have a list of the candidates you're going to vote for so you don't forget when you get to the precinct--you can't write 13-0 or 0-13 because there's no block voting here. Most importantly, please make sure these candidates are deserving and that they have shown some evidence that they will carry out their proper duties. I hope you've prayed about it, and that the candidates who win will serve God's will, and not their own.

To the non-voters, such as myself, there is still something you can do--pray. God can move mountains and he can certainly move people's hearts.

In other news... Benj and Mikka have shut down their blogs. Mikka says she doesn't have anything interesting to blog about. Benj says reopening is subject to debate. In either case, I wish they didn't shut down because I loved both their blogs.

08:54 AM The sun's come out for the first time in the past few days. While I may welcome its warmth and light in the early morning, I can't help thinking about how hot it's going to get in the afternoon. Oh dear.

For the past two nights I've had some really strange dreams. Last night, I had a nightmare. My dad was being tracked by a vampire, and we were staying in this house with rose windows and stone walls. The night kept repeating itself; on each repeat I was given a countless number of times to save my dad from the vampire, but he always got bitten. Then, on the last repeat, I was able to keep my dad within the house and stopped him from getting bitten; however, the maid's children were the ones who went outside and got bitten, so I had to stake thin kids, fat kids, tall kids, short kids when they came into the house in order to get at my dad.

No, I have not been watching vampire movies, and most certainly not Buffy the Vampire Slayer--well, I did see an opening scene a few days ago. The thing is, the vampire was more like the Bela Lugosi type. Shoot. I should stop thinking about it or I'll have a similar dream tonight. This does not make for restful sleep.

02:38 PM I had a really strange yet somehow enjoyable dream last night. I won't relate the details, but I will say that at some point I found myself in the male lead role. Any interpretations on my being male in a dream? Just click on that "comment" link down there; it'll take you to the guestbook in a new window.

The senatorial elections are set on Monday, May 14. If you want to know more about the candidates from both sides (PPC and PNM), as well as the independent candidates, log on to http://www.senate2001.iwarp.com. It's the thesis project of one of my high school batchmates. Don't forget to join the forums!

Yet another rainy day. Unlike Pau, though, I hate downcast weather like this. I can't help thinking that somewhere out there someone's house is flooding. Not to mention there's absolutely nothing to do inside the house, and our cable provider has this knack for suddenly dying on us when it rains. I didn't even get to go swimming this summer! Well, I did get dunked in someone's pool...

02:38 PM I just noticed that I use a lot of white lately on my layouts. Hmm... And then before this phase I used a lot of black.

02:08 PM Ah, what a refreshing change of layout. But, you may ask, if you had seen the last layout of my old blog, "what is Freddie Prinze, Jr. doing on the layout again?" I have no easy answer for that except that... um... yeah, I have no easy answer for that.

09:40 p.m. [site plug starts here] Go visit my cousin David's M2M site. He's just updated it with more M2M goodies! [site plug ends here] By the way, I've added more links, if anyone's interested. I'm glad to know that some people I got to know from the anime world are still interested in reading me. :P

I got involved in a little semi-philosophical discussion with JM over the phone a while ago. I'm still not quite sure what we rambled about (or rather, what I rambled about--I think I monopolized the conversation--sorry!). To paraphrase it, I think it was about how we can't break out of how we're stereotyped because maybe we stereotyped ourselves and it's inherently in our personalities. People who do break out of their early stereotype might have just created a new personality, a new facade. One will never know if one has reinvented him/herself or just created a new self. Well, it's all IMHO anyway.

Speaking of philosophical teens, I was thinking of Kevin Williamson's rendering of Dawson's Creek's motley crew of four-syllable-spouting teens. I don't know; sometimes that show just makes me want to pick up a dictionary and... throw it at the screen. Does anyone really talk like that? Are all of them supposedly that well-read? It's the so-called "magic of Kevin Williamson"--a script that doesn't talk down to teenagers. Sometimes, though, the language is laughably too complex for the stupidly simple complications that Dawson and co. run across.

My sister enrolled in college today. We're going to be in the same campus again--yippee! Compared to what Mela had to go through to enroll in her first year in La Salle, my sister's enrollment was a breeze--and that's odd in my university. We usually envy those in the more exclusive schools their enrollment process.

Oh yeah. I watched Pay It Forward yesterday. I am way behind cinema news and the only reason I got to watch it was because it was moldering on our VCD rack, and I thought "Why the hell not?". I simply love Haley Joel Osment because he acts so naturally, not like that Anakin kid in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.

Question: when is it time to change a site's layout? What's the standard duration? 14 days? A month? Three months? Tell me please!

09:36 a.m. I watched all the Star Wars movies when they showed on WOWOW and Star Movies last week. And then last night, I got to watch The Matrix again on HBO. I never realized how much The Matrix had been influenced by Star Wars, but the whole "Chosen One" thing, the training, the sharp reflexes--they just rang bells.

Oh, you didn't know? I'd never watched Star Wars before this. I just gave into the hype around Star Wars: The Phantom Menace by getting an Amidala screen name on AOL, and before that, I had an Amidala email address. I even subscribed to TFN's newsletter. I read the costume design book and the screenplay when they were on display at a bookstore and learned about the specifics of Jedi Knight apparel, the meaning of Queen Amidala's make-up, and the whole Padme-Sabe decoy thing. I knew all the main character's names from the original movie and its sequels, and even more so from the prequel. But basically that was the limit of my knowledge on Star Wars. I'm just hyper-happy to know what I'm talking about finally. Tee-hee.

Han Solo rocks my world. Rawr.

01:19 p.m. After almost two years, I realized I wasn't into anime anymore. But by then, I had a lot of projects up on the web. I didn't want to leave them just where they were; people might expect me to keep updating. Instead, I merged my anime-related websites into one collective which I will no longer update.

Surprisingly, I feel so free after doing that. I was so tied down that I didn't know what I was missing outside that world I had built up around myself.

I'm ready for anything else now.

05:17 p.m. Well, I didn't miss Survivor 2's finale; I just did a little Tae-Bo before I wrote about it.

Strangely, at first I didn't like Survivor 2 much as I liked Survivor 1. I thought it was going to be contrived and fake since the Survivor 2 people seemed to be more conscious that they were doing a show, whereas Survivor 1's castaways looked more natural.

When it was down to the last three castaways on Survivor 2, that was when I realized I liked it way better than the first one because these three people didn't get there through scheming, dirty ways like Rich, Rudy, and Kelly did. Keith, Colby, and Tina (whoa, I noticed a little parallel there--two guys and a girl each) didn't always play fair, but they seemed a lot nicer, and they strategized using their minds to survive, not by badmouthing other people.

Tina won; my cousin David knew it. I was undecided; I knew it was going to be hard to choose between Tina and Colby because both had worked hard to get there.

Which tribe did I root for? On Survivor 1, I rooted for the Pagong tribe because the people there didn't hate each other--basically, they treated each other better than the Tagi tribe did each other. On Survivor 2, that was basically the same reason why I sided with the Ogakor tribe. The difference is, Ogakor triumphed over Kucha and Pagong got outwitted by Tagi.

Colby is a decent person; he didn't vote Tina out so he could have Keith with him in the final two. He would have had a better chance of winning that 1 million dollars if he did. Instead, he chose Tina to stay on--a person that he thought deserved to have a chance at the million. He gets pogi points* for that, even though he didn't win. Besides, I'm sure there's a pork-and-beans commercial out there just waiting to pay him to star in it.

pogi points--a Filipino concept wherein certain actions or qualities about a person are worth a certain number of points. The person with the most pogi points is deemed the most attractive. Pogi points are only given to men. The term "pogi" is derived from "guapo", which is Spanish or Filipino for "handsome".

12:37 p.m. Survivor 2's last episode is going to air at 1 p.m. this afternoon, and I'm going to make sure not to miss it. So, who'll it be? It's a pity they had to vote Rodger out because he was Kucha; I admired him for being sort of a spiritual leader for the group, especially after Mike's accident. It was touching to see them praying for him; I mean, in the U.S. praying's been banned in schools--I didn't expect to see people praying on television.

Why am I talking about "spiritual" things all of a sudden? Um, I don't know, really. I just read something this morning on someone else's blog, and it made me sick to think that there are people who don't believe in the Bible. Seeing other people agree with them is even more upsetting. Then I stumbled across Pau's blog, and I was calmed by the knowledge that out there are people who still believe--and believe strongly--that the Bible is true and that people can live according to its principles. Thank you, Pau, for showing me that all hope isn't lost yet. It's people like you who restore my faith in humanity's ultimate salvation.

10:02 a.m. Question: if a suicide note is written and uploaded onto the internet, is it treated with the same seriousness given to suicide notes written with pen and ink on paper? Just something that popped into my head while watching Introducing Dorothy Dandridge.

I felt a little down last night when I realized I hadn't slept in my room for two weeks. I'd been sleeping in my sister's room because there was always a relative who'd take my room because they were in Metro Manila. Not that I don't want them to be here, but I just felt like my personal space was invaded. My cousin's nanny slept on my bed--that really upset me because she's not part of my family and it was my bed. My uncle's assistant might have used one of my pillows and now I'm afraid to snuggle with the pillow because he might have drooled on it and that's just disgusting. Everytime I get my room back, it's in a state of general disorder because our housemaids weren't able to clean it for the duration of my relatives' stay. And the room always smells different!

It's very trying for me to have something as personal as a bed and room of my own to be taken away from me for days or weeks--even months--at a time. What's more trying is when I get it back it doesn't feel like it's mine anymore.

02:44 p.m. On another note, I saw Geri Halliwell's It's Raining Men video on MYX, and laughed my head off because I knew its inspiration. The video takes its cue from Flashdance's dance audition in the last scene. Flashdance is an old movie dating back to the 80's, era of exercise gear worn as part of regular clothing, era of big curly afros. :D

02:23 p.m. I've been watching news about the Philippines through the international networks like CNN, BBC, and Fox TV. Every time I see coverage, though, it's always composed of bad news. The negative events tend to make it to the news more often than do positive events, and when you rely only on CNN for news about foreign countries, this makes for a distorted view of the country being covered. While bad things do happen, our peaceful demonstrations can be viewed as riots, if edited maliciously.

For example, in January the news channels covered the People Power 2 event, but they don't show three to four days worth of footage, in the interests of conserving valuable air time. Instead, the footage is edited to show the highlights, to show visual stunners that will arrest some channel-surfer's attention and lead him or her to stay tuned. A mass of people chanting "Erap Resign", waving flags, and smiling cheerily at the camera, or a group of screaming people headbutting each other in a confrontation--which has more impact, emotionally and visually? News items are built with these images, and even though the whole event was relatively peaceful, a person's perception may be affected by the longer air time given to a confrontation that occurred during said demonstration.

Amazing how mass media can easily shape a person's awareness, no? Has anyone else noticed this?

09:47 p.m. I just got back from my vacation (which, incidentally, took place in Baguio, a city in the northern part of Luzon in the Philippines--that is, if you didn't already know), and I managed to catch the tail end of the whole political maelstrom still engulfing the Philippines. I wasn't able to escape from getting caught up emotionally in the whole thing even if I were away from Metro Manila, the epicenter of everything. I've proven to myself that nobody can be unaffected by anything that goes on in this country. Not only is the media pervasive everywhere one goes (except if you're on an immersion trip in the deepest Cordillera jungle--and even there the Cordillera People's Liberation Army have radios), but the Filipino him/herself is a political animal. Anywhere you go, people discuss politics as part of their daily routine.

To insert a little humor into this entry, this confrontation between pro-Erap and pro-administration forces seems to have turned out to be my favorite soap opera of the year. Not only is there drama, action, adventure, and even humor, but there's a bad guy you can truly hate--but the biggest plus of the whole thing is that it's truly interactive! Any decision made by the key players (administration, opposition, common people) can ultimately affect the viewer! Even better, the viewer can become part of the action by siding with either the pro-Erap crowd, or the People Power 2 crowd! But as someone texted me this morning, does this soap opera have to be a political farce? And I say, the biggest comedian in this soap opera is also the antagonist. Hm, and I even had this sudden vision that this could be turned into a musical, a la Evita.

History also seemed somewhat determined to repeat itself. See, many years back when I was a wee girl, my family and I hied ourselves off to Baguio. Normally, we'd be accompanied by members of our extended family, but in that instance it was just my immediate family and I, plus one housemaid. We'd left Metro Manila because it was really hot--and a coup d'etat was in its gunning-up stage, so we wanted to leave before the heat really turned on. When we headed back to Manila about 3 days later, we were suddenly stopped by a blockade of soldiers; thus we had to take a detour to a relative's place where we stayed for an additional 3 days before the coup was declared quashed.

In our most recent excursion to Baguio, again I came with only my immediate family at a time when Manila was burning up and there was a threat of civil unrest and anarchy and another coup d'etat. Thankfully, no coup ensued, but riots did break out earlier today before we returned to Manila. I only hope that tomorrow brings a brighter day and a peaceful conclusion.

Kudos, though, to President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo for showing that she has the (pardon the gender-specificity) balls to stand up to her opponents who are using the unwitting masses to advance their own aims. A big thank you also to the Philippine National Police and the Armed Forces of the Philippines for staying loyal to the Executive, and for their courage in facing a lynch mob of thousands this morning.

And a big round of applause to me for sounding less angry than I normally do.