02:23 PM Follow-Through
Well, I had my first tennis lesson this morning. The trainer and I worked on my forehand first, which was good because I think it's my weakest groundstroke. Even worse, I think because I used to play badminton I don't do my follow-throughs properly. Badminton is a game that uses wrist and forearm movements to strike the shuttlecock; tennis, on the other hand, relies on shoulder and hip rotation for hitting the ball.

By the time we got to working on my backhand, I had gotten the rhythm and footwork correct, which resulted in better strokes and placement. Eventually even my forehand improved, and I loosened up enough to allow my arm to go through the whole follow-through. I still have to work on keeping the racquet face steady, though. In the two hours I was on the court I sent four--no, five--balls way high and long into the nearby basketball court. My racquet, I think, is too powerful for me.

It was a great experience, and I can't wait to learn more. The clothes aren't bad, either. Ü

09:22 AM The One Constant
Of the subjects I need to review in order to pass my comprehensive exam, I find it hardest to wrap my brain around postmodernist philosophies. I understand the value in academic study of knowing that the observed is influenced by the observer and that there is no reality to be grasped objectively because humans are really subjective beings. There's also an assumption that there is no center, therefore no basis for anything to claim itself truth or fact. It suggests a world where nothing can ever be fully comprehended or controlled.

At least in the case of humanity, I suppose this is so. Our knowledge of the world has taken leaps and bounds over the last few millennia, but all of what we know is still a drop in the ocean. Even now, what we thought we knew we realize we don't really know. Behavior is so complex, our planet is so big and diverse, and the universe so staggering in its enormity, that none of us can ever hope to understand it all.

Where, then, shall we place our trust? What, or who, can we look to in times of uncertainty? Even the very sub-atomic structure of all matter fluctuates. What more humanity, in all its inconstancy? Here humanist knowledge ends, and faith in the Divine begins.

The belief that God is in control and loves us--that is what keeps me hoping and trusting, even during my lows. Especially during my lows, for there is nothing else to cling to that is immovable and constant but Him. I know when He's my center, my priority, all my other concerns take their proper orbit around Him. The presence of God in my life is a truth that cannot be explained away.

09:12 AM Life as a Soap Opera
You know, in soap operas, there's always a "boy meets girl" scenario. However, to make things interesting, nothing is happily ever after without painful twists along the way. Sometimes, there is no happily ever after for a Boy-Girl pairing.

Someone's life is far from "ever after," but the twists are there. Boy likes Girl. Girl initially doesn't like Boy back until certain events happen that enable her to see his true self. Boy is still entangled in previous long-distance relationship, so he doesn't tell Girl that he likes her. Girl is waiting for Boy to show intentions, but then Girl has to move away, cutting short chances of that happening. Boy finds another girl. He likes this girl, and in a moment of passion they sleep together, and she gets pregnant. Boy intends to marry her because he's fallen for her.

Girl, thus distanced from Boy, now must wait to meet another boy.

04:42 PM Providence
Being a Christian, I have always been taught that though God knows what I need and want, I still have to ask these of Him in faith. If I didn't have to do this, I'd probably take His provisions for granted--it's human nature to do so. The whole point of having a good relationship with God and learning from Him is to transcend the base human nature.

Anyway, for the past week and a half, I had been secretly praying for something to happen. Nope, it's not a relationship thing; it's about hobbies. Ever since I gave up my obsession with anime three years ago, I've had no hobbies aside from maintaining my websites. I've also had no social life since I got my bachelor's degree because all of my friends are now working and have no time to spend with me, the full-time grad student.

Having all of this time on my hands creates long stretches of boredom and physical inactivity because I rarely get out of the house. Fearing the chubby gene in my family, I began to do aerobics six times a week. When I began to lose weight and feel stronger, I also began to wonder if doing aerobics was all I was going to do for a fitness regimen for the rest of my life. Let's look at the situation squarely in the eye: it's kind of dorky to dance around in the living room trying to imitate the movements of instructors from a tape.

Initially I wanted to take up swimming laps as an alternative to aerobics, but there's a downside to living in this part of town: there are no pools within our subdivision because everyone's expected to have some sort of premium membership to a country club where there are pools. So I began bouncing and shooting basketballs in our garage, where we have a hoop. Somehow, though, it's not really fun to play basketball against myself, and nobody else in this house is athletically inclined.

Enter my fascination for tennis. I started to think of ways I might be able to take up the sport, but due to my previous anime obsession, I thought my family might think it was just a new obsession. So I just kept quiet about my desire to learn tennis and instead started praying that God would open the way for me.

Three days ago, I broached this question: "Do you think if I had continued to swim, I'd be an Olympian?" Of course my parents said yes, but if I had done that, I might not have had a normal childhood. They had once looked into enrolling my sister in a rhythmic gymnastics class, but it would have deprived her of leisurely Saturdays.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, my dad suggested I take up tennis at the hospital where he works. There's a court there, and the president of that tennis club was one of his buddies at the Department of Surgery. I tried to keep the enthusiasm to a minimum and just asked him if he would look into the cost. The very next day, my dad reported that all I had to do to learn tennis was show up at the tennis court and drop the name of his buddy. He said he expected the costs to be minimal.

Then we had to think about equipment. I knew a tennis racquet was a personal belonging, with the grip (and for advanced players, stringing) customized to its owner. I looked into the pricing of racquets at Toby's Sports and nearly died. The cheapest racquet would cost us P1,050--and stringing was a separate purchase.

So I asked my tennis-player uncle, who just moved to Baguio, which brand of racquet he'd recommend to a beginner. Imagine my surprise when he said he'd lend me a beginner racquet; when I got better at the game, I could then buy my own. And then he said he'd be in Manila this coming Monday.

All of these things coming together in just these few short days, it's a nexus of occurrences that can't really be dismissed as coincidence. It's an answered prayer.

My next prayer: please, Lord, let me be good at tennis.

06:09 PM Potential
Some people say that parents have to watch their children very closely during their early years. During that time, kids start to show what they're good at and what they're made for. Spotting that, parents then must encourage these talents and traits.

According to my mom and dad, I had begun pretending to read very early on (pretensions of intelligence?). However, they also say I had learned to walk and run even before my first birthday (slightly advanced motor skills?). As a child, I read voraciously, even when I didn't know what some words meant. In that time, though, I also had large feet for my age and had figured out how to swim freestyle by myself.

Some families are bent towards sports; mine was not. You could say my clan opted for brains over brawn, spectatorship over sportsmanship. I might also mention that we're a vain clan who slather on sunblock in the shade and try to avoid cuts and scrapes at all costs.

My swimming teacher in the first grade had slated me to swim 50 meters at a meet scarcely a month after my first lesson since I had been progressing well, but my mom wouldn't allow it. She was afraid for me, that I might stop in the middle of the lap and suddenly discover I hadn't learned how to tread water.

I never swam competitively after that; doing so would entail spending large amounts of time in water under the sun, which for my family wouldn't do for my complexion.

The next time I found myself in a 50-meter pool, I was in my first year of college taking a PE class I hadn't planned on enrolling in. Not to my surprise, I found myself completely at ease in the water and mastered the three strokes I would need to pass the class.

About midway through the semester, when we were learning the breast stroke, my PE teacher asked me if I wanted to try out for the university's swim team. By this time, I had imbibed the family ideology "Studies first." I was also living three municipalities away from the university, so if I were to get into the swim team I'd have to sacrifice a lot of time for travel and training. I thought my studies would suffer.

So I politely told my teacher I didn't want to do anything extracurricular, that I had an honors average to maintain, yadda yadda. And that was that.

Towards the end of the semester I began to regret my decision, but it had already been made. Vanity also reared its head when I realized that because of my swimming classes I was about four shades darker than my father and didn't look like his progeny anymore.

Still, whenever I find the time and place to jump into the water and surrender to the rhythm of the Australian crawl, I wonder what my life would have been if I had used this particular talent.

Maybe I'd be an Olympian. Ü

11:08 AM Sudden Loss
My sister has been pretty stressed out this past month. Part of the symptoms of her stressful life is her decreased appetite, which has now become a cause for concern for my mom. Sis has lost some weight--not enough for her ribs to show, but enough so that her pants and capris don't fit her very well anymore.

Even though the stress has let up a bit, Sis still doesn't eat much. She believes she's eating a lot because she ate a whole half-can of Pringles and a pack of Peanut Kisses, but she rarely has any full meals. She's a picky eater and if she doesn't like the food, she'll skip it and just look for a tidbit from the fridge to tide her over until the next mealtime. It's almost scary; I don't want her to be a Mary-Kate Olsen. I'm praying for her.

08:01 AM "Breaking" News... Sort Of.
Last month, I wrote that I've gotten into watching tennis. Now, I'm into it in a major way. Because of the US Open series of tournaments organized to go up one after the other this year, I've been glued to Star Sports the past two weeks to watch Andy Roddick's matches.

So far, no one has been a real threat to him except Roger Federer, who wrested the Tennis Masters Canada crown from my Andy. I was beginning to think Federer would be unbeatable, but I was wrong. Federer is human; his former doubles partner Dominik Hrbaty broke Federer's 23-match winning streak, beating him in their first round match at Cincinnati.

Federer's upset (at which the Roddick fangirl in me says "Yay yay!") opens up the field for Andy, providing he wins his first-round match against Max Mirnyi. I'm currently following the ATP website's live scoring of that match. I really hope fatigue doesn't take its toll on my favorite player, especially since he's been playing for two weeks straight.

Update: After some fast and furious back-and-forth posting on the Andy Roddick forum, it was almost just like being at a match. Andy lost the first set in a tiebreak, but won the second set tiebreak and then sealed his dominance by breaking Max's serve for a 6-7,7-6,6-3 win. Yes! What was really amusing about the match is Andy kept knocking over (on purpose!) one of the ground microphones used to catch court sounds. He did it five times, with a grin. At the end of the match the cameraman had Andy sign the lens, and then asked him why he kept knocking it down. Andy said with a grin, "You should have known better than to tell me not to knock it over." One of the commentators said that Andy was just being mischievous. Ü

Now he goes up against German Nicolas Kiefer for the third time in three weeks: the first time at Indianapolis, the second time at Toronto, and now at Cincinnati.

10:34 AM Download Complete
I went download-crazy today and got a whole bunch of MP3s. One of them is Mandy Moore's most recent song, which automatically plays on her website. It's a great song, which she wrote herself, so it is said.

Mandy Moore - Hey
it was a couple of years ago
I was sitting beside my window
and never will make the same mistake
'cause that's when he walked on by
almost a year I followed
I don't regret a single a day

then he changed
and proceeded to tear from me
every inch of soul you see
and he's kept it to this day

and I die everytime I find a piece of him
in corners of my mind
so I washed it all away
and time it took me time
but I had left those memories back and far behind
he called me yesterday
just to say hey

I was the last to know
such an infatuation
that I can say
with certainty

then he changed
and proceeded to tear from me
every inch of soul you see
and he's kept it to this day

and I die everytime I find a piece of him
in corners of my mind
so I washed it all away
and time it took me time
but I had left those memories back and far behind
he called me yesterday
just to say hey

it took me a lifetime to forget you but I did
I never want to see your face or speak your name

I die everytime I find a piece of him in corners of my mind
so I washed it all away
and time it took me time
but I had left those memories back and far behind
he called me yesterday
just to say hey